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| That beautiful exam result sheet we all know and love... LOL JK I HATE AND DESPISE IT |
Eventually my results were emailed to me and they were as follows:
History - A
General Studies - B
Graphic Art - B
English Literature - C
Biology - E
The only one of these I was upset about and yes, I will admit I cried at, was English. As I'm sure I've stated before, I want a career in English. I want to be a writer more than anything else, I always have, and reading isn't a chore to me, it's something I absolutely love doing. I did so many past papers, revised those poems and that play to death almost, and my grade was a C. I'm aware some people would kill for a C, but for me it just didn't feel good enough. Biology I couldn't give a crap about, I'm dropping, just pleased I managed to avoid a U! As for History don't even, a week before the exams I was sat on my bed having a crying breakdown to my mum about how I knew nothing.... um.
Anyway, those were my results that I received this morning, and then I was sat thinking and felt the need to write a blog post about it. But no, the point of this blog post is not "Sarah talks about her results YAY". The point is what I was starting to think about afterwards.
I am 17 years old. Me and my friends are 17. We are teenagers. When you're teenagers, very few decisions you make and very few things you want to do or do last a long time or have a huge deal of seriousness involved in them. Heck, I struggle with deciding what flavour ice cream to have (ice cream parlours abroad are hell for me because I'm like BUT I LIKE ALL THESE FLAVOURS WAAAH). The point I'm trying to make is as I get older and older I seem to understand less and less what I want to be doing with my life. A few weeks ago we started Personal Statements, and me and my friend Hannah were just like "WE WANT TO DO ENGLISH LIT, NO WE DON'T KNOW WHAT OUR FAVOURITE GENRE IS, GO AWAY". Obviously we didn't say this but this is how we felt at the time.
Being a teenager is tough and I don't think enough credit is given to that. We're not children anymore, but we're not adults either - and yet we're treated as both children and adults. We're told we aren't old enough to understand things, that we're "just kids", and yet we're having to do exams and make decisions about things that genuinely can and will impact our futures. Excuse me if I think that's an extremely adult thing to have to be dealing with. I personally want to spend my afternoons out on my skateboard, playing on the Playstation, eating whilst crying from feels in The Avengers and chatting/hanging out with friends, making the most of the time I have whilst I'm young. But no, I'm forced to spend hours revising for exams that at this moment in time I don't actually care about. In a few years, yes, I will care, but at this moment in time... I'm too young. I don't feel old enough to be making such life-changing decisions, or doing such life-impacting things.
I also hate the idea of exams moulding your future. I had a friend at Primary School who was smart as anything - we were 11 years old, and we had properly smart conversations together. We borrowed each others books, we were intellectually on the same level. We left Primary School, and I got 3 5s at SAT Level. She got 3 3s, and continuously throughout school has been smart but just has struggled with the exam system. Some people just aren't good with exams.
Exams seem to mould too much. But essentially exams show that you have a good memory. They do not test your smartness, they do not test how you interact as a person, your kindness etc etc, all of which I think are extremely important things when it comes to being employed! I don't know. I think I'm just sick to the back teeth of exams meaning so much and impacting our lives so much when we're just teenagers. Surely there's more to our futures than decisions we make and things we do aged 16, 17 and 18....
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